Let's Get Aligned: All hail the AIMS Togethernator™!
The Togethernator™ empowers us to accurately measure our feelings, calculate focus, and, most importantly, appear aligned to both external stakeholders and internal dashboards.
YD INDUSTRIES INTEROFFICE MEMORANDUM
TO: All Staff, Subsidiaries, Contractors, and Level II-IX Contractors
FROM: Richard Thronduke III, Founder, CEO, Chairman
DATE: Thursday, 14 April
🚨 Announcing The Togethernator™ — A Company-Wide Alignment Initiative 🚨
YD Team:
At YD Industries, we have long believed that alignment is the most important thing a company can “care deeply about.” That’s why, after a $9.7M consulting engagement with the Sagniaw Group (they facilitated a magnificent two-week executive offsite at the Red Rooster Resort in Saint Barts, see the above picture), we are thrilled to announce the outcome of that retreat: the official launch of our newest initiative, The Togethernator™.
This company-wide initiative is designed to bring all YD personnel across our 23 Major and 107 Minor Business Units into a state of unparalleled, uniform emotional congruence. Because when we all say we feel the same way about work, we work the same way we say we feel.
🌈 Introducing the Alignment Input Management System™ (AIMS)
To operationalize our shared sense of belonging, purpose, and highly trackable emotional metrics, AIMS will randomly prompt you throughout the workday to select one of three Alignment Inputs that best reflect your current work state:
🟢 Green: I am achieving goals and accelerating unencumbered.
🟡 Yellow: I am functioning but not sure if I should stop or go (e.g., unclear which of the 104 KPIs I should focus upon, I need more sleep, printer jam at station 37–2–14C).
🔴 Red: I am stopped and honking my brain horn furiously (e.g., progress blocked, company objectives imperiled, I’m sleeping with one eye open, my eczema is in overdrive).
Failure to promptly select a color will be coded as Double Secret Red, triggering an alignment escalation that begins with a wellness banner notification on your devices, a notification sent to your supervisor’s dashboard, and a follow-up from the AIMS Autonomous Emotional Risk Manager (AIMS — AERM) AI-powered wellness robot/chatbot.
WHY THIS MATTERS:
As our partners at Sagniaw Group put it in their white paper, “Cross-Vector Harmonization in Multi-Nodal Goal Matrices: Toward a Unified Theory of Fragmentation,” we are entering a new age of: Nodes, Prompts, and Post-Recursive Consensus. The Togethernator™ empowers us to accurately measure our feelings, calculate focus, and, most importantly, appear aligned to both external stakeholders and internal dashboards.
FAQs:
Q: What if I’m not near my computer when AIMS pings me?
A: Please download the mobile app, which will provide immediate notifications at your current location. Or, prepare for a visit from the thermal sensing-enabled AIMS-AERM robot/chatbot.
Q: What happens if I keep selecting Red?
A: Don’t worry, you won’t be harming YD Industries’ reputation! The AIMS system filters out most red alerts from cohort data and will instead trigger a visit from the AIMS-AERM AI-powered wellness robot or chatbot, initiating automatic improvement KPIs in your performance plan.
Q: I’m colorblind. What should I do?
A: Colorblind employees must pass a mandatory HR training for approved audible cues.
Jointly, we can build the illusion of cohesion, one button press at a time. So log in, feel your feelings, and savor the warm embrace of The Togethernator™.
Onward (and inward),
Richard Thronduke III
Founder, CEO, Chairman, YD Industries
