THE YD GLOBAL DISPATCH
AIMS-ERMS fleet offline, charity update, Thornduke & Trump, data policy, more.
YD Industries Internal Newsletter | Volume 47, Issue 3 | Wednesday, December 10th, 2025
"Ideas. Actions. Success."
Dispatch Executive Summary:
- CRITICAL: AIMS-ERMS fleet offline. Call facilities (ext. 7743) to schedule removal of stalled bots in public and private areas.
- Thanksgiving Food Bank Giveaway Update
- Founder, CEO, & Chairman Thornduke to Present President Trump with the Presidential Medal of Innovative Industrial Excellence.
- Privacy policy update: Your data at work!
- YD-AI automated content insertion [PENDING]
- YD Calendar - Medieval Games & All Hands
- Employee Feedback - Duck Population
🚨 CRITICAL SYSTEMS UPDATE: AIMS-AERM Fleet Temporarily Offline
FROM: IT Services & Autonomous Systems Management
TO: All Personnel and Adjacent Structures
Due to an unplanned firmware update, the AIMS-AERM™ (Autonomous Emotional Risk Manager) chatbot fleet is currently experiencing a temporary state of immobility. Engineers estimate full functionality will return within 24-96 hours, pending the review of several million lines of code and the location and removal of melted gummy bears somewhere in our Paraguay data center.
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR YOU:
During this service interruption, employees will NOT receive wellness check-ins, alignment prompts, or unsolicited motivational interventions. We understand this may feel disorienting. Please attempt to self-regulate your emotional states using legacy techniques such as "taking a walk," "talking to a human person," or “yelling into a pillow.”
IMPORTANT FACILITIES NOTICE:
If you encounter a stationary AIMS-AERM unit blocking your workspace, hallway, or personal vehicle, please DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MOVE IT YOURSELF. These units weigh 840 pounds and contain sensitive emotional recognition hardware that can misinterpret physical contact as aggression.
Instead, contact Nancy Bakies in Facilities (ext. 7743) to schedule removal. Please note: Nancy is currently managing 847 pending AIMS-AERM retrieval requests and has asked that we remind everyone she is "just one person" and "didn't even want these things in the first place."
We apologize for any inconvenience and appreciate your patience as we work to restore your regular wellness surveillance.
🤝 COMMUNITY IMPACT: YD Industries Partners with New Rochelle Food Bank
FROM: YD Corporate Social Responsibility & Public Goodwill Division
RE: Q4 2024 Thanksgiving Community Giving Initiative — Outstanding Success!
YD Industries is proud to announce the resounding success of our annual New Rochelle Food Bank and Castle Pounder partnership! This year's donation drive involved the distribution of 400 artisinally crafted Castle Pounder Holiday Meal Bags, which were delivered directly to waiting vehicles via our new Pneumatic Food Distribution System (Patent Pending), covering a distance of 2.3 miles.
📷 Photo gallery from the event available on the YD Intranet Share Drive (login required; password reset requests currently experiencing 48-hour delays due to AIMS-AERM outage).
🏆 CEO THORNDUKE TO PRESENT PRESIDENTIAL AWARD
FROM: Executive Leader Communications
YD Industries is honored to announce that Founder, CEO, and Chairman Richard Thornduke III will present the inaugural YD Industries Presidential Medal of Innovative Industrial Excellence to President Donald J. Trump at a private ceremony later this month.
President-Elect Trump will be the inaugural recipient of the newly coined award, first established in December of 2025, which recognizes leaders who have "demonstrated unparalleled commitment to protecting American manufacturing, job creation, and the pursuit of innovation excellence through decision-making.” The award will be delivered through a pneumatic tube at a speed of 47 miles per hour.
What CEO Thornduke said:
"I am deeply humbled to have this opportunity to recognize a leader who, like myself, understands that true innovation comes from heeding your gut, rejecting naysayers, and reframing mistakes as victories. President-Elect Trump and I share a fearless vision for American business: bold, confident, and enrobed in our nostalgic exceptionalism. I look forward to shaking his hand, which I’ve been told is larger than mine, and delivering this well-deserved honor via our revolutionary pneumatic technology."
📄 MANDATORY ACKNOWLEDGMENT: Privacy Policy Update (Minor Amendment)
FROM: Legal & Compliance
TO: All Personnel
RE: Updated Data Collection Practices — Action Not Required
YD Industries has updated its Employee Privacy Policy (Section 14, Subsection 7.b, Paragraph 11) to reflect evolving best practices in workplace data utilization and the optimization of third-party partnerships.
WHAT'S CHANGING:
Previously, YD Industries collected employee data for internal purposes only, including, but not limited to, performance monitoring, wellness tracking, productivity optimization, predictive behavioral modeling, and analysis of cafeteria preferences.
Effective immediately, YD Industries may now share de-identified employee data with select third-party partners, affiliated entities, and strategic consultants (including but not limited to: The Sagniaw Group, AIMS-AERM Manufacturing Consortium, FlowState Analytics, YD Ventures portfolio companies, and certain government agencies upon request).
"De-identified" means: Your privacy is paramount, and we will remove your first and last name before sharing your anonymized data. However, the data set could still include your: employee ID number, department, job title, workstation location, biometric signatures, voice recordings, email metadata, calendar patterns, AIMS color selections, Grit Girdle telemetry, browser history (work devices only*), and high-resolution facial recognition markers.
*Asterisk: "Work devices" include any device connected to YD Industries' WiFi.
Questions? Please review our Privacy Policy FAQ (available via fax, upon written request).
📄 [CONTENT GENERATION FAILED - YD-AI OFFLINE] [ERROR CODE: 47-AIMS-SYNC-FAIL] [RETRY SCHEDULED: FRIDAY, AFTER SNACK]
📅 UPCOMING EVENTS
January 18 — Medieval Games Thursday is back! (Parking Lot B, 12-2 pm). Armor is optional but encouraged; however, it is not provided. Crossbow competition has been canceled due to "the incident." Castle Pounder mobile food truck will be available for food and snack purchases with YD credits, including a limited number of Premium Turkey Legs on a Stick.
January 22 — All-Hands Meeting: "Vision 2025: Pivot, Persist, Perspire, Prosper" (Mandatory avatar attendance, YD Intranet Metaverse Portal Room “Sequoia”).
January 29 — Hardcore Tower Official Chainsaw Ribbon Cutting Ceremony (Invite only; former Building 37 footprint). Oak Ridge Boys to perform “Elvira” and other hits at the Plaza.
💬 EMPLOYEE FEEDBACK CORNER
Each issue, we share an anonymous comment from the YD Industries Suggestion Box (Located in the lobby of Building 12, under the Pied Piper mural)
"Why are there so many ducks now? There used to be, like, six ducks in the pond. Now I count at least 63. They're everywhere. They're roaming Parking Lot B. One was in the elevator when I arrived yesterday. And it was still there when I left. What is happening?"
YD Industries Response: Thank you for your observation! The duck population is being monitored by Facilities. The increase is natural and seasonal. Employees are reminded that the ducks are protected under the New Rochelle Migratory Bird NAFTA Treaty Act and may not be approached, fed, posted to social media, or removed from campus for culinary purposes. Reports of aggressive duck-related happenings should be directed to Nancy Bakies (ext. 7743), though she has asked us to note that "the ducks are the least of our problems right now."
THE YD GLOBAL DISPATCH is published by YD Industries Internal Communications. Feedback? Suggestions? Please send them to info@ydindustries.com (responses are pending email server repair). Subscriptions are managed, and past issues are archived on the YD Intranet.
