THE YD GLOBAL DISPATCH - 12/24/25
The Christmas Eve special edition includes: a gift guide, holiday party recap, geocontest, and duck update.
YD Industries Internal Newsletter | Volume 47, Issue 5 | Wednesday, December 24th, 2025
"Ideas. Actions. Success."
Dispatch Executive Summary:
- Seasonal Strategic Initiative from the Founder, CEO, Chairman, Richard Thornduke III
- Annual Holiday Party Recap: Record approval ratings, innovative service
- Last-Minute Gift Guide: Three products from the YD Pro Shop
- GeoContest: Where in the World is Steve Musselman?
- Employee Feedback Corner
- Duck Update from Facilities
🎯 “Optimizing Holiday Authenticity Collisions for Seasonal Impact.”
FROM: Office of the Founder, CEO, Chairman
RE: Nativity Holiday Passage™
Since December 1st, colleagues on the New Rochelle campus have been experiencing a groundbreaking strategic repositioning. Research from the Sagniaw Group confirms that employees who physically collide while navigating physical spaces together report 34% higher "creativity scores," which lead to innovation. Therefore, in order to foster these creative collisions, parking lots A and B have been closed, and all employees have parked at the overflow lot to navigate our newly constructed Nativity Holiday Passage™ - a 0.4-mile enclosed walkway featuring the motion-activated caroling snowmen, snowball tunnel, seasonal hot-beverage stations, firepits, as well as the multifaith animatronic Bethlehem tableaux and simulated Mastodon habitat.
We are thrilled to report that the average employee now collides with 2.3 coworkers per commute segment. Many continued seasonal collisions to you!
Sincerely,
Richard Thornduke III
Founder, CEO, Chairman
🎉 2025 HOLIDAY PARTY: A RESOUNDING SUCCESS
FROM: Events & Employee Experience Team
RE: 2025 YD Industries Holiday Celebration — Post-Event Summary
The YD Industries Annual Holiday Party took place on December 18th in the Building 37 Grand Atrium (with overflow in the interior of the decommissioned and subsequently repurposed YD Blimp) and was attended by over 3,200 employees and contractors. The evening featured live music performed by New Rochelle’s own Notcho Nacho, who performed rousing covers from The Spin Doctors, Tone Loc, and the Oak Ridge Boys.
INNOVATION SPOTLIGHT: AIMS-AERM HOSPITALITY MODE™
In a groundbreaking deployment of adaptive robotics, our recently rebooted AIMS-AERM fleet was deployed in Hospitality Mode™, a specialized firmware update that enabled the units to:
- Circulate throughout the venue with trays of passed appetizers
- Initiate festive small talk with party attendees
- Record and analyze conversation sentiment in real-time while misting a cloud of fragrant mulling spices
The AIMS-AERM units successfully served over 7,000 pigs-in-a-blanket, 4,800 spanakopita triangles, and 2,900 bacon-wrapped dates (total: approx. one metric ton).
According to our data, your participation and enthusiasm made this year's party a success. Conversation analysis indicated that 73% of employee interactions met or exceeded "baseline holiday enthusiasm" metrics, while 27% were flagged for follow-up. Data revealed an overall approval score of 66%, nearly matching the 68% record set in 1998 (pre-litigation).
Thank you to everyone who attended and embraced the holiday spirit!
🎁 LAST-MINUTE HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE: YD PRO SHOP EXCLUSIVES
FROM: YD Retail Operations & Employee Merchandise Division
Still searching for the perfect gift? The YD Industries Pro Shop (located in Building 2, Lower Concourse, next to the emergency eyewash station) has you covered with these popular options, and more.
These 2025 YD bestsellers are guaranteed to delight!
1. Moo4U Personalized Countertop Milk Station
The ultimate milk-on-demand delivery platform for the health-focused family! Features: Personalized lactose preference monitoring, variable cream-content settings, realistic udders, and optional blockchain sourcing verification.
Price: 150 Layer Points OR $249.99 (while supplies last, subscription refills sold separately)
2. THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO BEING AN IDIOT
All You Need to Not Know, With the Confidence to Not Know It
About: Published by YD Industries Press and authored by the YD-AI Unified Theory Chatbot (and five other idiots), this 517-page masterwork is the definitive guide to unearned confidence and deliberate ignorance. Perfect for the aspiring thought leader in your life!
Price: 11 Layer Points OR $29.99 (while supplies last)
3. COMMEMORATIVE SPUD CUDDLER™ (LEGACY EDITION)
The beloved YD Industries classic, the Spud Cuddler™, returns in a limited-edition holiday release! The Spud Cuddler is a 137lb, thermally insulated, warmth-generating potato companion ideal for cold winter nights. This special edition features:
- Festive red and green biodegradable mylar wrapping
- Certificate of authenticity signed by Marcus Druhl, Chief Innovation Officer
- New! Safe storage instructions
Celebrities using the Spud Cuddler include, but are not limited to, business guru Robert Kiyosaki, The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, and actor/pugilist Tony Danza.
Price: 89 Layer Points OR $149.99 (while supplies last)
YD PRO SHOP HOURS:
Monday–Friday, 11:00 AM – 1:30 PM Closed for inventory check December 25–January 2
Layer Points can be redeemed by employees in good standing (Tier 1–3 only). Tier 4 employees may purchase items at full retail price. Questions? Contact the YD Store at ext. 7799.
🌍 Geo-Challenge: WHERE IN THE WORLD IS STEVE MUSSELMAN?
FROM: Employee Engagement & Gamification Team
Steve Musselman, EVP of Deployment and Retrieval, is currently attending an international conference focused on emerging technologies and strategic innovation paradigms and has sent us a picture.
YOUR CHALLENGE: Using only Steve’s photo below, determine his current location!
HINTS:
- Steve is scheduled to deliver a keynote: "Synergizing Distributed Ledgers with Nonlinear Failure Documentation Systems."
- He mentioned "gray skies" and "boiled Khash with a side of fermented mare’s milk" in his last inter-chat message
- Steve reported the presence of a mysterious regional soda that tastes like musty, salted celery.
- The photo metadata has been scrubbed and replaced with the coordinates of Building 37, so no cheating!
HOW TO ENTER:
Submit your geo-guess via the YD Intranet portal (Employee Contests > Non Board games > Geo-Challenge > December ) by December 31, 2025.
PRIZE:
The lucky employee who correctly identifies Steve's location coordinates first (or comes closest) will win:
- 50 Layer Points
- $100 Order Up! Gift card
- A voice memo from Steve Musselman himself
RULES:
- One entry per employee
- Steve Musselman is ineligible
- Void where prohibited
Good luck, and happy geoguessing!
💬 EMPLOYEE FEEDBACK CORNER
Each issue, we share an anonymous comment from the YD Industries Suggestion Box:
"At the holiday party, an AIMS-AERM unit asked me if I was 'feeling the holiday spirit.' I said yes. It said 'noted' and moved on to the next person. Later, I checked my employee dashboard and saw that my 'Holiday Engagement Score' was now visible to my manager. Why?"
YD Industries Response: Thank you for your thoughtful question! The Holiday Engagement Score is a new metric designed to help managers better understand team morale during the festive season. Scores are calculated using a proprietary algorithm that considers multiple data points, including but not limited to: AIMS-AERM interaction sentiment, party attendance duration, buffet selection patterns, quality Nativity Holiday Passage™ collisions, and grade of output produced in the Winter Wonderland photo booth.
If you'd like to discuss strategies for improving your Holiday Engagement Score next year, please schedule a session with our Resiliency Optimization Coaching (ROC) chatbot.
Remember: At YD Industries, holiday spirit isn't just encouraged, it's measured!
📅 UPCOMING EVENTS
December 24-31 — YD Industries Holiday Break (offices closed, data-center and facilities crew only, AIMS-AERM available for home visits, as required. Hardcore Tower remains open.)
January 2 — Return from Break: "A New Dawn - 2026 Kickoff" (Building 37 Grand Atrium, breakfast provided by the Bagel Baron, company pledge recitation)
January 15 — Major Executive Announcement Virtual All-Hands
January 18 — Medieval Winter Games (Parking Lot B, unless it’s still occupied by ducks)
🦆 FACILITIES NOTICE: Duck Population Update
FROM: Nancy Bakies, Facilities Management
RE: Parking Lot B Access & Waterfowl Advisory
Due to ongoing duck population expansion (as well as the Nativity Holiday Passage™ Initiative), Parking Lot B will remain at diminished capacity through Q1 2026. Current waterfowl count: 207 ducks (up from 63 in early December).
Employees are reminded:
- Do not photograph, feed, or communicate with the ducks
- Do not attempt to relocate the ducks; call facilities
- The ducks are protected under the New Rochelle Migratory Bird NAFTA Treaty Act
Alternate parking: Overflow lot behind Building 12, or street parking along New Barn Ave (at your own risk), or take the #56 Bus and disembark on Abernathy Way.
We are actively consulting with licensed wildlife management specialists. In the meantime, please plan your commute appropriately and exercise caution. Thank you for your understanding.
— Nancy Bakies, facilities, ext. 7743
THE YD GLOBAL DISPATCH is published by YD Industries Internal Communications. Feedback? Suggestions? Please send them to info@ydindustries.com (responses are pending). Past issues archived on the YD Intranet.
