YD Industries Launches LAYERCAKE™: A Revolution in Employee Ranking
YD Industries is proud to unveil our newest productivity initiative: LAYERCAKE™, the world’s first fully realized Performance Rank Optimization for Incremental Treasure (PROFIT) system for employee performance management.
New Rochelle, CT — Internal Memo | From the Desk of CEO Richard Thronduke III
Effective immediately, YD Industries is proud to unveil our newest productivity initiative: LAYERCAKE™, the world’s first fully realized Performance Rank Optimization for Incremental Treasure (PROFIT) system for employee performance management. Drawing on management wisdom dating back to the Roman Colosseum and recent breakthroughs in neurometric engagement re-psychology, LAYERCAKE™ gives every gladiator/employee in the YD “family” their own slice of destiny.
Every quarter, employees will be stacked against their peers in an immersive, AI-driven Feedback Thunderdome, graphically represented as a motivating piece of cake. In this semi-simulated but sweet cagematch, performance metrics will be visualized as a cake using proprietary data flow layers, including Slack activity, meetings scheduled and attended, Zoom facial attentiveness, and after-hours email response times. The top 10% of the cake will be awarded “Layer Points” redeemable at the YD Store for items such as ergonomic chairs, lunch discounts at OrderUp, Igloo coolers, or a newly secured rivalry with your manager. Remember: the higher the layer, the closer to the frosting!
The bottom 10% will be respectfully guided into the Performance Exit Release Pod System™ (PERPS), where they will be summarily ejected from the campus, with our hearts and prayers, and with the badge of “underperforming” now on their resume.
Why LAYERCAKE™?
Despite industry data suggesting that stack ranking is “demotivating,” “destructive,” and “the death knell for cooperation and creativity,” we at YD believe the issue isn’t the method itself, but rather the branding. By applying disruptive re-naming, we’ve reimagined stack ranking as an aspirational life accelerator that resembles a dessert. This “cake” will increase profits for the next three quarters and will be generously shared by those at the tippy top layers of alpha-achievers and our cakeholders, er, shareholders! (See what I did there?) Because at YD Industries, you are more than just your employee number. You are your employee number, with a ranking.
Let the LAYERCAKE™ begin! 👍
Yours,
Richard Thronduke III
Founder, CEO, & Chairman, YD Industries
