YD Industries announces that by a near unanimous board of spiritual directors vote, the company is undergoing a corporate religion change. The company will no longer be believing in Taoism, and is in the process of converting all operations to Pentecostal Christianity. We anticipate no work stoppages or assembly line interruptions as a result of our faith change, and our unwavering belief in free market capitalism remains unchanged.
The directors determined that Pentecostal Christianity is more in line with our stated corporate goals for 2013, and decided a switch was prudent and timely. Stockholders and market observers should expect increased efficiency and a higher earnings report as a result of our aggressive faith moves. We look forward to the new opportunities offered by Pentecostal Christianity, including speaking in tongues, fervent hymnal vocalizations and monthly serpent handling. We hope to remain on good terms with Taoism, and plan to continue support of the recently completed Taoist gazebo through fiscal year 2014.
Those interested in more information should contact Ruthie Barnes in the YD Industries Corporate Public Relations division. Send e-mails via the contact supercomputer.