Settlement Mandated Report of 2007 Laboratory Accidents

As dictated in article 5A of a recent settlement between OSHA and YD Industries, YDI is required to publicly report the following laboratory accidents that occurred in the year 2007.

The YDI Laboratory Accidents Report

While YD Industries laboratory workers do their best to avoid mishaps, sometimes accidents happen. Especially in 2007.

The complete list of reported 2007 laboratory accidents:

  1. March 23, 2007 – While testing a new liquid crystal formula for sticky buns, laboratory operations manager, LeRoy Birch, was momentarily blinded by a half gallon of sugar topping. The topping was being loaded into the high pressure propeller injector when a rubber seal in intake valve 4 ruptured and sent hot frosting in many directions, including LeRoy’s.
  2. April 4, 2007 – Fissile material was ingested by the son of laboratory manager Toby Kapur. The boy projected an mild iridescent glow for three nights, but quickly returned to normal and was able to resume his previously scheduled Little League activities.
  3. June 12, 2007 – While testing YD Industries prototype testicle incubator, a college volunteer was injured.
  4. August 18, 2007 – While safety testing YD Industries new square pancake, a metal fork spoke was ingested by product tester Midge Johanssen. The piece passed thirty hours later without incident.
  5. October 23, 2007 – YD Industries prototype gravity detector failed. Several researchers and visiting dignitaries lost their balance and fell.
  6. December 12, 2007 – A decibel meter on a prototype “strap on foghorn” broke and shattered laboratory windows. Scientist Earl Rhimes suffered a scrape to his shoulder, and was unable to hear unshouted commands for two weeks. Luckily, much of his hearing seems to have returned and the scrape has healed after liberal application of medicated salve.

This concludes the listing of 2007 YD Industries lab accident reports. YD Industries prides itself on an excellent workplace safety record, 2007 notwithstanding.  It is our official policy to make every last effort to ensure that our workers stay safe while continuing to take the risks required of pioneering innovators.

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Missy HeindsworthView all posts by Missy Heindsworth