Author archive for Missy Heindsworth

  • Settlement Mandated Report of 2007 Laboratory Accidents

    By Missy Heindsworth on March 22, 2013
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    As dictated in article 5A of a recent settlement between OSHA and YD Industries, YDI is required to publicly report the following laboratory accidents that occurred in the year 2007. The complete list of reported 2007 laboratory accidents: March 23, 2007 – While testing a new liquid crystal formula for sticky buns, laboratory operations manager, LeRoy Birch, was momentarily blinded […]
  • Financial Solution: The Credit Puppy

    By Missy Heindsworth on March 21, 2013
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    Behind on bill payments, rent payments, or alimony? Are you having trouble making ends meet because of job loss, disability, bankruptcy, vermin infestation, overspending on luxury items or other factors that are simply beyond your control? At YD Industries Financial Services we go the extra mile to understand the difficulties of real life and real people living on Main Street […]
  • Indian Duck Shit

    By Missy Heindsworth on March 19, 2013
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    Taste Researchers at YD Industries have searched long, far, near, under, and over for new developments in the ever changing world of gourmet victuals. After many wrong turns and near misses, we’ve finally unearthed one of the most exciting and delectable taste sensations of the past quarter century: Indian Duck Shit! This amazing product consists of a delicious hybrid of […]
  • Use Your Hands – The Instructional DVDs

    By Missy Heindsworth on March 18, 2013
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    Now you can own the revolutionary “Use Your Hands” system developed by Dr. Phillippe De Rochambaly! When Dr. Phillippe developed his groundbreaking method for using hands, YD Industries immediately saw the value in his teachings. After experiencing a series of in-house training seminars firsthand, a forward thinking team of executives part of the YD Aerospace Inside Sales Team pushed the […]
  • The Amazing Pool Gondola

    By Missy Heindsworth on March 17, 2013
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    Looking to add a little romantic spice back into your drab, sexless marriage? Maybe you’re searching for a nice activity to do with the kids? Perhaps you’re tired of going to the gym for the same boring exercise and are ready to try something new. Well stand back, we have the all-in-one product you’ve been looking for: The YD Industries […]
  • The Chair Simulator

    By Missy Heindsworth on March 17, 2013
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    YD Industries is making a daring entry into the exciting world of virtual reality with our revolutionary chair simulator. Our supercomputer executed trillions of mind numbing computations to design a simulated chair so realistic and life-like, it’s practically impossible to tell the difference between it and a real chair. Built of durable Costa Rican teak wood, the chair simulator looks […]
  • Gloria Estefan Hums JS Bach

    By Missy Heindsworth on March 14, 2013
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    The air was electric in the YD Industries recording studio as the celebrated Gloria Estefan strapped on earphones and stepped to the microphone. This was to be the culmination of five years of passionate effort on the part of Ms. Estefan and YD Industries music producer Rock Hutchenson. Their dream was to bring Estefan’s dynamic, Latin infused humming renditions of […]
  • Synthesizer Master Jorg Henimann

    By Missy Heindsworth on March 13, 2013
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    YD Industries is proud to release the eponymously titled CD by renowned synthesizer master, Jorg Henimann. Jorg came to the attention of YD Industries music A&R executives in a Viennese cafe, where the delicate electronic flutterings from his Yamaha DX7 made the local Sacher torte dance in its pastry case. Jorg, uniquely inspired by the powerful themes of nature, love, […]
  • Hypothetical Mastodon Calls

    By Missy Heindsworth on March 11, 2013
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    Mastodons! Those great hair covered, tusked creatures of the ice age. Where did they go? Where did they come from? What did they eat? Could they stand on one leg? These probing questions were posed during a recent informal paleontology roundtable in the break-room of YD Industries Sonic Pathways division. Scientists and engineers snacked on month old ripple chips and […]
  • Aerodung!

    By Missy Heindsworth on March 9, 2013
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    Recently the American Office for Physical Health of our Nation’s Youth (AOPHNY) released a report that dramatically documented a marked decline in the physical fitness of our children. We have a nation filled with out-of-shape youth! The challenge has become to wrench youngsters away from their TVs and computers and get them to run, skip, jump, shoot birds and throw […]
  • Nose Hair Extensions

    By Missy Heindsworth on March 9, 2013
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    Fashion can be difficult for the layman (or laywoman) to understand. Just as one person dons acid washed ripped jeans and a wig fashioned out of mint leaves, another shaves their hair, paints their skull red and wears a giant ball shaped dress. Who’s to say who’s right? How does a normal person keep up with the latest styles and […]
  • The Cat Bidet

    By Missy Heindsworth on March 8, 2013
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    Everyone knows cats love a good cleaning. We’ve all seen them spend hours licking themselves furiously before regurgitating unsightly hairballs. However, few pet owners realize that when the kitties have access to a bidet they save their tongues and spend hours luxuriating in the lukewarm stream of the quality bathroom appliance. Unfortunately, most bidets are designed for humans, and are […]